I am puke
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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