And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
