i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
