If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
