I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
