I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
