The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
