Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize