is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
