You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize