omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
