I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
