when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
