Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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