There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
