Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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