No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
