just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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