Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
