I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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