Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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