seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize