Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Randomize
