I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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