Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
