if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
