Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
