I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
