Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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