Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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