I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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