So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
