shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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