I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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