Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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