the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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