Your tits are I can't wait for
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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