Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
