I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
