Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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