Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
