Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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