come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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