Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize