I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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