he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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