2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
