Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I am midnight drunk by noon
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize