Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
