I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
