Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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