hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
