college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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