Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
