you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
