whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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