ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
