It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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