get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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