I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize