ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
