I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
