he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
