God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
