During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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