just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
