sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
