apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
