This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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