from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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