I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize