You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
