Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
