Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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