I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think your dad took our porno
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
