so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
