I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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