2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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