Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
