Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
