I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
