just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
