"it" just moved
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
