what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
