Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
