DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
