he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
