are you still at the devil's house?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize