Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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