So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
