do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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