I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Everything about him screamed your future.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize