Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
