Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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