Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
