We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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