and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
