I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
