But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
