It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
