His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
