im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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