i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
