i always forget guys have bellybuttons
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
