We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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