If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You pole danced in your parka.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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