Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
