I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
