Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
