Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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